My Life

My List

2005-03-15T12:27:00.000-06:00

In my spare time I like to read the blogs of people I don't know. Sometimes I read 12 a day if I have nothing else to do. One Friday night I must've read 30 or so, and I found that almost all of the authors had posted a list of things they wanted to do before they die. Well, my hypothetical life is as exciting as the next person's, so I present to you My List:

1. Kiss a rose on a grave, like in that Seal song.
2. Eat nothing but gravy for an entire week.
3. Reunite with that hottie on e-harmony who stopped returning my e-mails.
4. Collect porcelain dolls.
5. Bring words like "nifty" and "right-o, spanky" back into my vocabulary.
6. Fall in love with a family of sea turtles.
7. Leave my house again.
8. Converse with a living human being through some non-digital conduit.
9. Floss thrice daily.
10. Watch someone bungee jump.
11. Talk to someone who has been skydiving.
12. Look at webshots pictures of exotic places such as Mount Rushmore and The Freedom Bell.
13. Tell someone that they can't handle the truth.
14. Audition for the community theatre play.
15. Make a habit of spelling words the British way, to look more interesting.
16. Hug a tree.
17. Make friends with a walrus.
18. Learn to play the mandolin with my toes.
19. Continually gain and lose pounds in large quantities.
20. Build a replica of the Great Wall of China in my living room.

Obviously that isn't all, but those are easily the top 20. I hope you all have a list so that you'll have something to live for like I do.

Rough Night's Sleep

2005-03-15T12:22:00.000-06:00

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I kept tossing and turning, imagining that I was sleeping on a bed of nails. As it turns out, I was - metaphorically of course. The nails represented my troubled conscience, plagued by the thought of the death and destruction going on in the world. Though not personally responsible, I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt and remorse for not volunteering for the Peace Corps all those years ago. Now all of those lost souls are poking me in the ass while I'm trying to sleep.

New Roommates?

2005-03-11T13:24:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder if there's anyone out there. Not in the general sense, though. I'm referring to the window of my one-bedroom house in the ghetto that faces the street. At random times during the day and night I hear voices outside, but when I look nobody's there. At least, I don't see anyone there, partly because I haven't even looked outside since 1994.

But it makes me wonder: are these people real, or do they only live in my head? During the late 80's I had a group of people living in my head, but they moved out after one of those 28-day programs. Are they back? Did they bring their buddies with them? Will they once again compose muzak for the kazoo and have me bring it to the world through the magic of live subway performances?

It Happened Again

2005-02-24T17:28:00.000-06:00

So I had this dream last night. I was a pirate on a large wooden ship at sail in the middle of the sea. A storm was raging, and me and my crew were being tossed about. Just when all hope seemed lost, a man in a turban approached, and gave me a gold nugget. I was about to swallow it, when someone shouted out. I looked, and saw a beautiful woman floating in the water on a barge. She was in danger, and I wanted to help her but all I could think of was to use the gold nugget. So I threw it at her. It hit her in the head and knocked her out. She fell off the barge and drowned.

A Good Day

2005-02-22T09:08:00.000-06:00

Well today was a good day. I woke up at 7:17 this morning. In the shower I sang the theme song from Three's Company. I enjoyed a piece of toast with butter along with a bowl of frosted flakes and some juice for breakfast. The toast was a little over done, but not burnt. As I ate my breakfast, I began to collect my thoughts for the day. What needed to be done today? Well, I had some laundry to do, and I probably need to buy groceries. Maybe I'll run the dishwasher, it's been a while since that's been done. I should take out the trash, no wait, I can do that tomorrow. The possibilites are limitless. I wonder what's on tv. I still have several hours before all the court shows come on. I wonder if I missed Regis, or if I can still catch it. At any rate, today looks like it's gonna be a good one.

Hello Everyone

2005-02-21T16:21:00.000-06:00

Well, I figured it was about time that I started chronicling the events of my life and my thoughts on them. I realize that every where I go and everything I say seems to be sarcastic and joking, but this is going to be different. Here I am going to express my true self. Hopefully, people will actually get to know the real me, and begin to appreciate me for who I really am.